Midlife

It often comes when you're not expecting it. At least it did for me. Photo credit: Yoann Boyer It was the middle of the night. The year was 2002. I was tossing and turning, thrashing in and out of the sheets because I alternated between sweating and freezing. No, I wasn’t ill. No, I wasn’t having a hot flash. But, my breath was hot as I sighed, the weight of the world on each exhale. Dark Night of the Soul I’ve come to understand I was having what could be known as a “dark night of the soul.” The origin of this phrase goes back to a 16th century poem by Spanish Poet St. John of the Cross, where the poem narrates "the journey of the soul to mystical union with God." Eckhart Tolle defines it today as, “…a collapse of a perceived meaning in life, an eruption into your... Read more →


Yes, it's a scary, sexy killer combo. When I pulled the word prompt card of the day, these two were stuck together. Exploration and risk. Are they meant to be linked? The two words often appear together when talking about science, business and space: Exploration and the risk assessment thereof. But, it got me thinking about how a marriage between the two ideas offers an interesting allegory for life. I think of exploration as a road of discovery. Forging around corners of the unknown. Being open to newness. Trying things on for size. Dipping into an experience before fully committing. Digging deep in the microcosm of a thing and then connecting the dots and meaning therein. So, an explorer? An explorer is a seeker, a questioner, a non-settler. Can an explorer ever really be settled, or are they not happy unless in the field of exploration? Always looking around the... Read more →


Spring has sprung and Summer has begun! Is it just me, or are people more in tune to the change of the seasons this year? Spring gently eased into Summer, marked by the Summer Solstice and made all of the more special this year with the anticipation of the Supermoon on June 23rd, the day when the Earth is closest to the moon. Get your cameras ready! I remember craving Summer as a kid, watching the seconds on the clock the last day of school, joining a choir of thousands as we all sang along to Alice Cooper's "School's Out for the Summer." The rush of expectation is still palpable as those long languid days, and all that come with them, approach us. But, it's more than sunshine, long walks on the beach and 4th of July BBQ's that are cause for pause. There's an energetic shift that takes place... Read more →


A spider dangling from the ceiling. That's what I woke up to on the first day of 2012. My first instinct was to grab a magazine nearby and eliminate the unsuspecting offender, which is what I would have unconsciously done in the past. But, based on the title of this article, I decided to take said magazine and guide the daddy-longlegs outside, releasing it to the wonders beyond. But, this cousin of Charlotte was having no part of it. I lost track of it and found it scrambling back up its invisible web strand toward the ceiling. There was something frantic about the way it ran for its life so I let it go as its spindly legs carried it off into the catacombs of my house. We made a silent agreement to live and let live. It got me thinking about how bold and fresh 2012 is going to... Read more →


“I think your self emerges more clearly over time.” ~ Meryl Streep What a difference a year makes. My head is spinning today, my mind full of reflection, introspection, jubilation, anticipation, wonder and… trepidation! Now, admittedly right now the trepidation part is minimized by the other more effusive emotions and thoughts. But, every year on my birthday – yes it’s today – I spend some good time reflecting, etc. Where have I come? Have I done what I set out to do in my life in my life and career? Am I the kind of person I’m meant to be? Am I on the right path? What’s the meaning of life?! …and so on! But, this year the trepidation is much different than it was a year ago. The trepidation this year is more about being a year closer to fifty! And, I would re-phrase it as an “anxious anticipation”... Read more →


Today I’ve been sitting in the sweet aftermath of a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and these Michelle Shocked song lyrics keep running through my head: “When I grow up I want to be an old woman…” And, when I’m that old woman, what I want to reflect on the most are my life’s connections, both the fleeting and the lifelong connections that made up the rich, elegant and profound fabric of my being. This takes me back to this recent weekend, which was full of just that – connecting; connecting to dear, old friends, to interesting new friends, and to faraway friends and family. And, on Saturday morning I volunteered at Operation Gratitude which is a wonderful organization that sends care packages to the troops. I went hoping to contribute something in a small way and walked away with an amazing feeling of global connection to the 4,000 men and... Read more →