Thought Changers

Here's the Truth About Truth

By Cindy Yantis

How often do we just kind of fudge the truth, or tell a little white lie to make someone feel better or to make things a little easier on ourselves?

How about several times a day?

Research by social psychologist Robert Feldman, who has studied lying for over a decade, showed 60% of people lie 2-3 times during a 10-minute conversation. He also found that most people lie to be more likable or appear more competent.

According to behavioral scientist Dan Ariely - in the documentary “(Dis)Honesty: The Truth About Lies” - it’s all about rationalization. The “fudge factor” leads to people rationalizing that a little lying is okay. He also says that self-deception takes place everywhere. It’s the biggest lie of all. He said, “We convince ourselves the deception is actually truth.”

Well, that piece about self-deception gave me the chills. It got me thinking about Truth, not only as a philosophy of life but also as a GPS system – Truth from the inside out.

Plato was one of the foremost and passionate philosophers on truth. He said:

Truth is the beginning of every good to the gods, and of every good to man… The true lover of knowledge naturally strives for truth, and is not content with common opinion, but soars with undimmed and unwearied passion till he grasps the essential nature of things.” And, “There is nothing so delightful as the hearing, or the speaking of truth. For this reason, there is no conversation so agreeable as that of the man of integrity, who hears without any intention to betray, and speaks without any intention to deceive.”

Okay, brilliant, but easier said than done, Master Plato.

Fear filters the truth. I came to this shocking realization a couple of years ago when I saw this in my own behavior. I have an aversion to conflict and as a result have often manipulated the truth, just a little, in order to avoid conflict. As soon as I recognized this, I made a commitment to use my words carefully but honestly, even if in the face of
conflict. It’s continual work, but my voice has become stronger and managing conflict has become smoother. And, the truth is, I have a lot more self-respect because of it.

Here are some more thoughts about truth: understanding, reframing, speaking, assimilating and living it.

Instead of fear being the filter, I started concentrating on using my heart as the filter. When truth is funneled through love, the truth becomes unfettered but with direct kindness. The unvarnished truth, well told

Truth recognizes its own fences, knowing that manipulation and fudging are but a
whitewash over untruths.

Truth begins at the base of a deep sigh, when the vessel is empty and pure and relying only on its own influence.

Truth listens inward first.

Truth is ancient ancestral wisdom that we know deep in our root, in our bones and in our solar plexus.

Truth is reinforced or belied by words spoken.

Truth can be couched by fear and hidden beneath humor. Conversely, truth can be softened by love and can make us laugh, or cry, hysterically.

Truth has a lot of fancy aliases, such as authenticity, transparency, clarity and realism.

Truth just is.

Truth wants to be remembered. 

Truth wants to be asked. Truth doesn’t need to be answered.

Truth lives in our dreams, in our breath and in our voices, grounded and lowered half an octave.

Truth doesn’t ask for our respect, but fully deserves it.

As a writer, one of my mottoes is, “the unvarnished truth, well told.” That helps me to be honest with my characters and true to their stories.

The unvarnished truth, well told. Now, that's a true tenet for daily life.

 

RELATED POSTS:

For The Love of Words: How to Use Yours Effectively

Stop Being So Nice, Just Be Real

How To Grow The Best Relationships

Mind Your Own Buttons

 

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Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog creator & curator. She is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. For more info: CindyYantis.com


What is Your Personal Sense of Independence?

By Cindy Yantis

There’s much that we take for granted, living where we live in these great and complicated United States. The freedom to do so certainly started with our forward-thinking founding fathers. They set forth a whole new way of being, and living, with independence.

It got me thinking about the meaning of independence on a deeper, more personal level. What does it mean to be personally independent?

A true feeling of independence starts with an energy, a force that fuels and permeates a sagacity of human spirit, a spirit that manifests as personal power, something that is at times forgotten or lost in the chaos of the daily grind.

To my way of thinking, this personal sovereignty is a combination of both mindset and sense, a combo that reminds us of whom we are meant to be. Let us begin with some  Independent sunflower
core senses or deeper places of wisdom.

  • A Sense of Liberty Mind – recognizing freedom is a state of mind

Related: "How True Freedom Starts with Your Mind"

  • A Sense of Connection – fostering healthy relationships
  • A Sense of Deep Appreciation – nurturing an attitude of gratitude for all that you have
  • A Sense of Awareness – being awake to the moment
  • A Sense of Self-Reliance – knowing you can do it
  • A Sense of Personal Sovereignty – owning your personal space and that granting permission belongs to you 

Related: "Permission Granted: Give Yourself a Break" 

  • A Sense of Home – no matter where you are at any time, “home” is within

    “Independence is happiness.” Susan B. Anthony

Personal independence is non-negotiable; a commodity that no one can ever take from you, because it has nothing to do with external stuff. Your personal sovereignty is where you and only you reign.

Here’s to it, and you.

 

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Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog creator & curator. She is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. For more info: CindyYantis.com


Focus on the Significance of Simple

By Cindy Yantis

“Make it simple, but significant.” ~ Don Draper

I used this quote as the theme for a recent writer’s retreat for one of my beloved clients. It gave us an effective mantra for the weekend, kept us on point and helped to streamline the writing in the most powerful way. Don draper

“Make it simple, but significant” also got me thinking about how we often make things too complicated, in general. I know I do, to the point where sometimes I actually feel complicated.

But, simple is clean. There’s brilliance behind simplicity. And, many of the most significant things in life, when it gets right down to it, are pretty simple. To simplify means to get back to basics, to start with one simple question, idea or statement and then find the significance in that.

Significant is memorable. Significant can be priceless and timeless. Significant is a moment in time. 

So, that’s where significance starts. Focus on the simple: the simplicity of an idea, then another idea, then a question, then this moment, then, then, then… You can be present with simple.

Just as letting go of a result often actually brings the best result, by focusing on simplicity, the significance of a moment or idea will reveal itself as well.

Just a thought... simply.

 

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Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog creator & curator. She is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. For more info: CindyYantis.com

 

 


Living in the Space of Possibility

By Cindy Yantis

Space in Possibility

The blueberries were starting to mold. They were big and beautiful round berries from the Farmer’s Market; although a few of them underneath already had the white fur of mold. But, several of the berries on top were still good, so I rescued them, transferred them to another bowl on the breakfast table, and tossed out the bad ones.

Believe it or not, it got me thinking about limiting beliefs and the negative effects they have on possibility, expansion and abundance in our lives. When limiting beliefs pervade our thoughts, they can be very strong and intoxicating because they tap into familiar fears. If they’re not released and tossed away they can infect any new thoughts about possibility and instead create a stagnant field of inaction and paralysis of energy, as well as keeping us stuck in old patterns or stories of lack. Not a fun place to be, particularly when you're working hard to change and elevate your way of being.

I recently finished a 27-day Ellen Whitehurst abundance course through Daily OM. It was full of lots of great exercises and tips. My biggest take away was that true abundance starts with a shift in mindset and energy. Abundance simply cannot exist in a mindset of lack. Just as possibility is incapable of living in a world of can’t.

My close peeps and I talk a lot about possibility. We powerfully hold each other's goals and visions. There's no room for limitation there.

And, one friend recently released a talent manager because he spoke in terms of can’t, and she only lives in a world of anything’s possible. His limiting beliefs were not going to hold her back.

Pam Grout in her book E-Squared: Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality, calls this playing and living in the “field of infinite possibility.”

Tweet: "There’s a lot of space in Possibility."[source: @cindyyantis]

Once you’re there, exploring, dancing, experimenting and feeling the Grace and flow in the space of Possibility, there will sometimes be those who try and give you “advice” about “reality” or who implore you with can’t-afford-that language. It helps to remember that these comments often have more to do with the speaker’s own fears and limited realities than really anything to do with you. But, they are like the moldy fruit and have no place in your fertile field of possibility. If it’s a loved one who offers this advice, it can certainly feel hurtful and frustrating. Take a moment. Step back and separate from your emotions, for just a moment. Find some compassion for their fears and limited beliefs. After all it’s familiar, human and we’ve all been there. But, offer it as detached compassion, because it’s not who you are anymore or who you want to be.

The great news is, being a living example of possibility makes it possible for others to do the same. Be steadfast in your new way of thinking. It’s the only way to true abundance and limitless possibility.

 

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Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog creator & curator. She is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. For more info: CindyYantis.com

 


Here's How to Get to the Heart of the Matter

By Cindy Yantis

The word today is efficiency. It’s not the first time I’ve chosen this word from the grab bag of words I use sometimes to prompt my writing. In fact last time it sparked this: 5 Ways to Be Efficiently Creative.

But, this time I wanted to put it back and draw another card. I wanted to pull something different, a bigger, sexier, juicier word, a word that would really get my engine going, a word I could really get behind and be jazzed about.

Instead, efficiency. Okay, there must be a reason this word jumped out at me. The first things that popped into my head were “corporate” and “color within the lines” and “beige.” All three concepts I have a tendency to run from energetically. Yet, I know there’s something important here to discover, another way of looking at efficiency, a thought changing notion begging to be brought forth. In that moment it was as if efficiency, the word itself, was perhaps aspiring to be more, to define a deeper truth.

Here's How to Get to the Heart of the Matter in Life. www.thoughtchangerblog.comSo, digging a little further, how is "being efficient" personified? Well, to me it describes someone who uses her time well. Someone who uses economy in getting things accomplished, in other words, one who trims the fat off in order to really focus on the heart of the matter.

Ah, the heart of the matter. That’s it. Now we’re getting somewhere. Now we’re talking about efficiency on a grander, more macro scale. Life efficiency: meaning a life that’s focused cleanly and clearly on what matters, what’s important to the heart.

So, consider this:

To be efficient in getting to the heart of the matter in life, know what matters to the heart. [Tweet This: @cindyyantis]

Then once you're clear on that, trim the fat, only keeping what matters to and will serve the highest good of the heart, you, your life and the way you're meant to live it.

What are heart matters? Here are four questions to probe:

  1. What are the projects in your world that feel right, for all the right reasons, for you? Career choices that excite you, that propel towards a feeling of purpose?
  2. What causes speak to your heart in a way that feels transformative, for others and for yourself?
  3. Where do you love to spend your time and with whom?
  4. Who are the people in your life who fill you up and in whose presence you feel empowered, who bring out the best in you and who support you? And, conversely, who are those who don’t (you know who they are)?

Once you have some answers to these simple, yet deep inquiries, getting to the heart of the matter means clearing all away the superfluous, ineffective, disconnected, judgmental and incongruent distractions, in order to clear the pathway for what matters most to your heart.

Living efficiently in this way, what will happen, at least to my way of thinking, is that more of us will lead, live, work, love and communicate from and through the heart.

Nothing beige about that!

What are your matters of the heart?

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Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog creator & curator. She is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. For more info: CindyYantis.com


What You Believe Creates Your Reality

By Cindy Yantis

What do you believe in? 

It's funny sometimes what gets you thinking about the deep questions. This time, for me, it was Crash Davis. His "I believe in... kisses that last three days..." speech in BULL DURHAM, got me thinking about how I'd answer Annie Savoy's question,"What do you believe in then?"

That led to a stream of consciousness. Then, it got me thinking about what's underneath my belief statements. Our beliefs are those simple truths that we know, without having to provide evidence. They can be guidelines to live by or simply thoughts that we feel in our gut are right. Underneath those beliefs are deeper values that provide life's standards. And, our beliefs and values are what create our reality. 

So, here are a few of my beliefs. It's quite exhilarating to put them in writing.  Do you resonate with any of them? Please add some of your own in the comment!

I believe everything’s possible even when it seems improbable.

I believe in paying it forward.

I believe in giving others a hand up.

I believe in God.

I believe in angels. I believe the power of angels is so great they can move mountains with a whisper.

I believe in a true love that lasts forever.

What you believeI believe in real friendship where you have bad days and your true friends stick by you.

I believe in the ticking clock. I wish I didn’t but time goes too fast.

I believe we make and break our own opportunities.

I also believe we don’t do it alone.

I believe in fairies.

I believe in other realms and that we can learn from them if we pay attention.

I believe a good story can heal, inspire and call to action.

I believe at the end of the day, everyone just wants to be considered, loved, heard and respected.

I believe in progress, not perfection.

Related: 6 Reasons Why Progress, Not Perfection 

I believe meditation expands time and extends life.

I believe I’m at my best in quietude. I’m at my second best surrounded by people I love. A close third is What you believe inwhen I'm on a deadline.

I believe women who are so hard on other women are simply afraid of their own power.

I believe the most powerful people are kind, generous, well-intentioned and have a healthy self-worth.

I believe your soul mate is a direct reflection of your own self love.

I believe animals are pure love.

I believe men rock.

I believe in purging “stuff” at least twice a year.

I believe infinity is defined by giving and receiving in equal measure.

And, I agree with Crash about the kiss that lasts three days...

How about you? Give it a try.

What do you believe in?

 

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Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog creator & curator. She is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. For more info: CindyYantis.com

 


In Alignment - A Life Philosophy

By Cindy Yantis

Early this year science news was abuzz with talk about a rare 5-planet alignment that was visible to the naked eye for the first time in over a decade. In a cloudless sky you could gaze toward the east to see Mercury, Venus, Saturn, Mars & Jupiter all lined up.

LifeInAlignmentI think a lot about alignment. Being in a state of alignment, more to the point. In fact, I expend a lot of thought, time and energy on this -- living in alignment with my purpose & core values, and continually adjusting my choices, in thought and action, to maintain my homestead in the state of alignment.

You know when things are off, right? Maybe you feel a little unhinged by stress or indecision; or you're engaged in a job or activity that just doesn't feel right; or you know somewhere deep down that you're not centered in where you are; or you're just overwhelmed and overtired, even as you're doing what you love. These are all signals of being out of alignment.

Being in a state of alignment, on the other hand, creates an overall feeling of wellbeing. To my way of thinking, alignment is mainly about acute self-knowledge, knowing what's most important to you, what your core beliefs are and having a solid foundation in your life's purpose. Alignment is a sense or feeling of rightness within your whole being. You know it when it's happening. Simply put, alignment feels great. Out-of-alignment does not.  

If you're body's out of alignment, you go to a chiropractor or healer, or exercise, right? Well, when my life feels out of alignment, there are many touchstones I have that help, sometimes just a simple tweak in thought or action plugs me right back in again.  Here are a few.

  • Reconnect with purpose & core values
  • Meditate or a concentrated time in quietude
  • Write daily
  • Connect with my family
  • Wire in with close friends who keep me real
  • Focus on what's positive in my life
  • Get a solid 7-8 hours of sleep
  • Do Pilates or yoga
  • Clean my house
  • Touch my pets
  • Plug in with my power source - for me it's God, the Archangels and my ancestral spirit guides
  • Contribute to a greater good or be of service
  • Acquire a new knowledge that serves my highest good

A life in alignment is a life on-purpose. That, to me, is a philosophy of life. To be in alignment is to feel good. 

What works for you?

 

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Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog creator & curator. She is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. For more info: CindyYantis.com


Indecision is the Enemy of Spontaneity

By Cindy Yantis

Some thoughts, and perhaps thought changers, on one my least favorite places to be: Indecision.

  • Indecision is the enemy of spontaneity.
  • Indecision is the enemy of the artist.
  • Indecision is the downfall of the parent.
  • Indecision is the downfall of fruition.
  • Indecision is a self-imposed prison.
  • Indecision is the enemy of invention.

SpontaneityIn fact, indecision cripples invention.  It cripples marriage proposals, cripples IPO’s, cripples education, cripples war. And, peace.

The very nature of indecisiveness stunts the very nature.

Where would we be if Mother Nature couldn’t make up her mind? Would an apple tree become a river? Would an ant be dissatisfied with being an ant? Would an albatross wish it were a hummingbird? Would a sunflower decide to stay in bed? If Mother Nature waffled and just couldn’t make the definitive decision that everything in nature has its predetermined role to play, where would we be?

Where would we be if we always straddled the fence between yes and no?

Where would we be if we couldn’t decide between this and that? Up or down? In or out? Now or later?

Where would we be if a life or death decision was impossible to make? Dead?

Is that when we cease to be?

Free will is the mother of indecision. Without free will there’s no decision to make. Whatever is, is.

But here's the good news: free will is what gives us choice.

  • Choice is the decision.
  • Choice is the power to attract the life we want.
  • Choice is the power to transform.
  • Choice is awareness and being in the now.
  • Choice is freedom.
  • Choice is a friend of spontaneity.
  • Choice is a friend to the artist.
  • Choice is the peace of mind of the parent.
  • Choice nurtures fruition.
  • Choice is the lover of invention.

 Choice doesn’t have to be forever. It’s just right now. It gets us out of the vast and chaotic place called indecision.

Choice kicks indecision’s ass.

Choice is the thing. Just make one.

 

 

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Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog creator & curator. She is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. For more info: CindyYantis.com


What's Your Body Symphony?

By Cindy Yantis

I’ve been spending a couple of days at the ocean, in a place that takes a few u-turns to find. There’s not much here, but oh how I love it. After being in a space of disconnect of late, I could not have picked a more apropos location to reconnect.

BodySymphonyThere’s something about the sound frequency of ocean waves that reignite my engine. In fact, research shows that the frequency of ocean waves connects with your brain waves to create a restorative sense of calm. And, we hear ocean waves via ultrasound waves, but we actually feel the vibrations in our bodies via infrasound frequencies generated by the ocean, vibrations that connect to the body’s chakras or energy points.

 My solar plexus hums, creating the base for my body’s symphony. There’s something very foundational about it.

Ah, a plethora of melodies, chords and dissonance that when fully tuned and in alignment with its conductor, source, my creator, the cacophony becomes harmony and a masterpiece plays out. And, today, the ocean is the downbeat for one glorious concerto!  

I am my body symphony, which is electric. It got me thinking about “I Sing My Body Electric,” the infamous words by Walt Whitman rewritten into this song from FAME, about connecting to that something that electrifies you:

“I sing the body electric
I celebrate the me yet to come
I toast to my own reunion
When I become one with the sun

And I'll look back on Venus
I'll look back on Mars
And I'll burn with the fire of ten million stars
And in time
And in time
We will all be stars

I sing the body electric
I glory in the glow of rebirth
Creating my own tomorrow
When I shall embody the earth.”


The ocean connects me to my own body electric, like nothing else. My veins are wires plugged into the ocean’s current, veins that are the strings – violins, violas and cellos – of the body symphony, and in a matter of hours I feel more alive.

In the middle of the city this surge through my heart can at times feel restless and wanting. But, here it pumps with a velocity and vitality that requires breathing deeply.

What is your body symphony? What makes your soul hum and your heart sing? Go there. Reconnect. 

Encore!

 

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Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog creator & curator. She is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. For more info: CindyYantis.com


Stop Being So Nice: Just Be Real

By Cindy Yantis

Real isn’t always nice. I saw a friend recently and she told me she saw a change in me, that I was more grounded. “You’re more real, not so nice.” And, I got it. 

When I was about nine, growing up in Mt. Pleasant, Michigan, there was a neighborhood club called, "The Nice Club," run by a group of girls my age. And, no matter how hard I tried they wouldn't let me in the club. I was my nicest nice, but it clearly wasn't good or nice enough. Turns out the nice club wasn't so nice. And, I've spent the good part of my life trying to get into that damn Nice Club. Ha! No more.


BeRealNotNiceLetting go
of nice leaves room for more real. Niceness many times covers up a fear of the truth, which in turn hides fears of being rejected, or not being good enough if, God forbid, someone actually saw the realness underneath.

For the first time, and for the thousandth time, I truly understand what it means to transform. I’ve been in the midst of a much deep growth and transformation over the last couple years. It started with stating my true desires in a relationship. In the end, the relationship didn’t last but I was still whole when it went away because I didn’t lose myself into another person, which had happened many times before. And, the fact that I was awake to see and feel the difference speaks volumes about the deep change that was happening.

But, the rocking of my world started in a writing class with Jack Grapes, where his writing method helps to crack through to the deep, true writing voice. Well, what I didn’t expect to happen was that I would crack the walls -- in some cases break the walls down -- of my really dark rooms. The writing was surprising and dark and real. I was surprising and dark and real. And, real is cracked and wrinkled and snarky and bloody and serene and calm and sad and small and prickly and hairy and bloated and scared and brave and powerful and heavy and loving. 

I realized it all starts there. That’s a foundation that’s as solid as brick and strong as rope, weaving a web of truth that’s steadfast and human. It’s the most powerful energy I’d ever felt as it coursed wildly from my tiptoes to my fingertips and through my solar plexus shooting into my brain where the thoughts explode into genius. 

Suddenly state of mind or mindset feels confining, like a set of rules that holds you back.  What I got a glimpse of is realness. And, realness is permission. Real is not nice. I’m not talking about kindness. Kindness is an essence and kindness is a truth. But, nice is paint.  Nice is at the heart of beige. Nice is fitting into a box. Nice is being what you think people think you should be. Nice is Capra and the image of Disney.   

Hemingway and Van Gogh? Can you imagine if they were “nice” in their work. The best art, film, fiction comes from the creator knowing the underbelly, the grease and grime, the ache and heart, the truth of what’s underneath the story. The best comedy many times comes from gut wrenching angst. And, the beauty of it, because we all have those dark rooms and shadow truths, is that swarms of people can relate. They may not know why they feel such a connection to the words or character or painting, but still they cry or laugh until they cry.  They feel their own realness, down deep, under the nice.  

So, let's be real. How nice would that be?

 

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Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog creator & curator. She is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. For more info: CindyYantis.com