Thought Changer

Relish the Stolen Moments of the Season

By Cindy Yantis

I don't know about you but I went through another holiday season completely overbooked. 

And, if history repeats itself, by the time the day of celebration actually arrives, I'm exhausted and have thoughts that I'm sure echo those of many others: too many shoppers, too many commitments, too much commercialization, not enough time.  And, then the holidays whiz by and you're in the middle of January before you realize it.  Maybe you can relate.

Well, it hit me yesterday that this didn't happen this year.  Sure, I was still overbooked with all of the above and then some, but somehow time felt slower this year, more joyful.  It got me thinking about why that might be.  To my summation, here's the difference...

I took control of my time this year, rather than the other way around. 

And, what really slowed things down for me were what I call the "in-between" moments.  The stolen seconds in between all of the busy-ness.  I think one of the reasons that the season flies by so quickly for so many is that we're in a constant state of anticipation for what's to come next; we're living slightly in the future.  So what happens?  We miss the present. 

That's what the in-between moments are all about.  Zooming instantly into the present slows everything down, even if it's just for a bit. 

So, what are the in-between moments, the stolen seconds, of the season?  They're whatever you create them to be.  There are many, but here are four to get you thinking: 

• Stop yourself in a crowd - whether at a party, shopping or just going about your day, physically stop and take in the faces around you, really take them in.  Count the number of new people you see in a day (I actually did this yesterday); it makes you stop and notice people rather than merely being amidst an endless sea of humanity. 
• Pause for the environment - relish in whatever is around you.  If it's nature, that's easy; breathe, see, smell.  If it's the vast commercialization surrounding you, appreciate the creativity or genius in that too. 
• Use joyful words - I found myself using the term "Joy Rising" a lot this season, a phrase I borrowed from Oprah.  It made a huge impact on my daily environment. Find words that make you joyful and use them regularly.
• Remember it's about Love - no matter your religious belief, the season is about wonder and love.  That omniscient feeling lives in all of us.  Remembering it is all it takes sometimes when stress threatens to fill us up.

"To believe in the wonder of the season is to see through the eyes of the heart." Flavia Weedn

After working diligently on staying present, this will eventually occur organically.  But, until that happens make a point to notice and relish the in-between. 

I wish you the happiest of holidays!  Thank you for taking some of your in-between moments to read Thought Changer this past year!

 

You may publish or re-post this article with the following credit:

Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog owner & curator.  Cindy is a writer living in Los Angeles. 

The Mother of it All

I've been through it all, baby, I'm mother courage.
~ Elizabeth Taylor

Days like this can't help but bring reflection, whether you're a mother or not.  In fact, in my close community a good majority of the women are not mothers, in the sense that they have actually birthed a child.   There was a time when there was a great stigma that came along with a woman who either made or didn't make the choice not to have children.  There probably still is a certain level of judgment or pity in some minds, in some circles. 

I have a ton of respect for mothers who are dedicated to raising and nurturing loving and incredible people.  I have a fabulous mother whose priorities and dedication never waivered as I struggled through painful adolescence into adulthood.  She rocks!  In fact, I'm surrounded by incredible moms in my family, my sister inspires me, and my aunt and cousin-moms are amazing. This day is theirs and I honor them with great love and respect.

But, today got me thinking about how, interestingly, I think of my other pack of childless compadres as a Mother-hood of another kind.  The mother of it all is that we all have it in us to mother each other and most importantly, ourselves.  In our Mother-hood, we nurture each other's passions and pursuits.  We offer a shoulder to lean on, a middle of the night phone call, a stern word when needed and cheers of joy for the smallest accomplishments. 

And, one of the greatest gifts a mother can give the one she's nurturing, is to be a mirror.  And, in my Mother-hood we stand for each other, providing that mirror that's hard to look into at times.  But, it's a mirror that provides a reflection of truth, which is what allows us to grow and evolve as people.  The mother that can tell you the truth, is the mother of it all.

So, Happy Mother's Day to ALL mothers. 

 

You may publish or re-post this article with the following credit:

Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog owner & curator.  Cindy is a Career Architect, helping people build careers they love.  She guides clients through personal branding, career reinvention, leadership coaching and how to own the room.  Cindy is also a writer for hire, screenwriter & author.

 

 

Life is a River

“President Obama is in town.”  Seems a simple enough statement.  But, when you live in Los Angeles, it sparks a murmur, at times a roar, of discussions about a topic that can bring on a blood-pumping debate in the lives of Los Angelinos.

Traffic.

Roads are closed.  Detours abound.  And, tempers needlessly flare.  Traffic flow stops flowing.

Or does it?  Doesn’t the flow just change direction?  Those who “go with the flow”, planning for and accepting what is, will be able to deal with the new traffic flow with reasonable ease and diminished aggravation.

It reminded me of a Colorado whitewater rafting trip a few years ago.   During the mini-prep session prior to the romp down the rapids, our guide helped us don our life jackets, coached us as much as possible on what might confront us: “lean into the raft”, “don’t fight the wave by leaning away from it”, etc.  But, when our raft banked a huge boulder in the midst of an angry rapid, I did just that, leaned away from the danger instead of rolling with the movement of the boat.  I fell out, crashing to the bottom of the river against the rocks.  In that split second, I remembered his last instruction, “If you fall out, relax your body and don’t fight the water. Relax and go with the flow.”   Oddly, in the throes of adrenaline-racing action, my body did calm and I was easily lifted back to safety.  

In many ways, life is like that river.  Rivers are powerful and rich forces of nature that surge with purpose toward their ultimate destination, usually a larger body of water.  The course of the river is called its path, and along the path are calm pools of water; swampy marshes; shallow, rocky streams; rough rapids and waterfalls that cascade the river and all that goes with it to another level, all still in search of that final destination.

The particles and inhabitants of the river understand its flow and current, travelling with the ebb and tide as obstacles enter the river path.  

A purposeful life, in flow, has the same attributes.  I’m not talking about conformity or status quo here, but rather the sense of peace and release that comes from surrendering to the organic flow of your life and the unknown circumstances you encounter each day.  When I’ve felt most centered in my life and most sure in my choices was when things flowed easily from one event to the next, like liquid.  It’s also when I’ve felt the most “on purpose.” 

How do you live a life like a river?  Here are a few thoughts to get you started:

• You may not be able to control your external environment at times, but you can control your reaction to your environment.  Act like a duck in that water and let it roll off your back.  Don’t fret over what you can’t control.  Ask yourself, “is there something I can do about what is happening out there?” If not, let it go.
• Pay attention to your body’s response to your own actions and decisions.  If the rapids start to roll in your belly, chances are it’s a decision or action you want to take another look at.  That’s your intuition speaking to you about what’s right for you.
• Get back to what you love.  When you focus on what you love to do and whom you love to be with, the flow rises up to meet you. 

“Love is like a river that drowns the tender reed.” ~ from The Rose

• Be in gratitude.  When you project gratitude for what’s working in your life, more of the same flows back to you.
• Set clear intention for your desired destinations along your life path.  When your sights are set toward those destinations, the flow surges forward forcefully. 
• Embrace the detours.  Rivers have numerous branches and streams.  It’s the same with life.  Sometimes the detours bring new and more interesting choices.  It could lead to a watershed event in your life!

So, when life throws you a curve or forces a detour, remember the river.  Relax and go with the flow.

You may publish or re-post this article with the following credit:

Cindy Yantis is the Thought Changer Blog owner & curator.  Cindy is a Career Architect, helping people build careers they love.  She guides clients through personal branding, career reinvention, leadership coaching and how to own the room.  Cindy is also a writer for hire, screenwriter & author.

Think Acceptance - Not Resignation

One expands your energy, the other puts a lid on it.  Guess which is which. 

I had a discussion with some friends yesterday about phrases we habitually use, whether they are thought connectors, or simply phrases that fill the space.  Words like "right", or "like", or "exactly."  A phrase that I have used and have started to use again is "it is what it is."   I had even included it in an article a long time ago as an example of an equalizer in a difficult management moment, an momentary acceptance if you will.

But, now I realize it's more a phrase of resignation, of resigning to a less than ideal situation or circumstance.  It has shifted my thinking about the notion of acceptance.  The very synonyms of resignation say it all: acquiescence, conformity, long-suffering, uncomplainingness.  That kind of makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.  Whereas to accept means to favor, to respect, to relish and admire or to come to terms with favorable reception and gratitude. 

It's a very simple shift.

Resignation means staying in the struggle and feeling of lack.  Acceptance means respecting what there is and working with it and beyond it with tolerance, respect and love.  I don't mean to sound woo-woo here, but try it on for size.

It will make you think about aging, being in an unsatisfying work environment, not being where you "think" you should be at this stage in your life, body issues, and relationships in a whole new light.

George Orwell said, "Happiness can only exist in acceptance."  Bravo.

I say, acceptance expands your energy, resignation puts a lid on it.

It no longer "is what it is."  I'm taking the lid off.

 

Do Genius and Obsession Walk Hand in Hand?

"Music is the mediator between the spiritual and sensual life." ~ Beethoven

I saw this brilliant show last night at The Ahmanson in LA, the original Broadway cast in the Tony nominated play, "33 Variations."   The story dissects Beethoven's obsession with his composition of 33 variations on Anton Diabelli's waltz, told via a musicologist's own obsession with Beethoven's obsession.  The musicologist was portrayed mesmorizingly by Jane Fonda. 

It got me thinking about how both of their obsessions led to true genius by "33 Variations" playwright Moises Kaufman.

Does obsession lead to genius?  Can it?  If it's channeled in the right way? 

Is it curiosity with purpose, or a need to fill a neverending hole?  Is it ever satisfied?

Dorothy Parker said, "The cure for boredom is curiosity.  There is no cure for curiosity." 

Well, if this is what curiosity leads to obsession leads to genius looks like... I want some.

 

 

Live the Questions "???"

"Live the questions and life will move you toward the answers." ~ Deepak Chopra

I love it when someone says something to stop me in my tracks.  I take it as a sign, a message I'm supposed to hear at that time, in that moment. 

My dear friend Kelly Lloyd recently shared a Deepak Chopra interview with me where he discussed tips for anti-aging and his message above hit me to my core, beyond the anti-aging discussion. 

It got me thinking about how we are so conditioned nowadays to seek the answers, to search and find whatever it is that plagues us on a deep, cellular level. Many times it's that constant "seeking" that keeps us from truly living the lives we have today, right now.  "When I figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life, then I'll be happy."  "When I lose twenty pounds, then I'll date."  "One of these days I'll leave this job I don't like, to find one that really means something to me."  "I don't know how to find out what that would be."  "I know something's missing and when I figure out what it is then everything will fall into place for me."  "When I sell this, achieve that, accomplish this, book that, win this, meet that..."  It goes on and on.  And, this conditioned way of thinking focuses so much of a fantasy future based on a fantasy result that we end up missing our lives!

"Live the questions and life will move you toward the answers."  To my way of thinking this has nothing to do with giving up on setting goals and creating desires in your life, which are invaluable in creating the life you want.  But, rather Deepak's message is to release the worry around it, to surrender to the positive flow of life energy so that your true intentions can organically reveal themselves.  Simply brilliant!

He gave a simple meditation to help you get there.  I vow to do it daily (grin). 

• Close your eyes.  Breathe in deeply through one nostril and exhale out of the other, repeating until you feel the vibration in your head and body.  Pay attention to your body, feeling the weight in your limbs. 
• Now, focus fully on your heart with thoughts of gratitude and love, getting specific about what you're grateful for.  It opens your heart wide for the next step.
• Ask your heart the deep questions: What am I? What do I want? What do I love? What's my purpose?  Now, here's the key.  Don't wait for and seek any answers!  Just ask the questions.
• Finally, in the deep place, listen for your heart beat.  It will come to you as a beat, a sound or a feeling, but wait for it.  It's a bit freaky, but it totally happens. 

Do this every day and you live in the wonderment of the questions, allowing life to provide the answers.  Imagine an entire day without worry of what's to come in your life, then a week, then a month!  It would be pretty awesome, huh?

How to "Catch and Release" 2010

Imagine pulling up to your house at night.  As you approach, something feels odd, out of place, amiss.  It's dark as the familiar lights on your street guide you along, though you don't notice because you're on automatic pilot.  But, something has changed and your brain can't quite fill in the blanks, so much so that you nearly pass your house entirely until you recognize the Christmas tree in your front window.  You catch yourself at the last minute, so that you're fully alert, no longer on auto-pilot.  You pull into the driveway, get out of the car and cautiously turn back toward the street.  That's when you realize that the 40-year-old California Oak Tree that graced the front of your yard has been chopped.  To the ground.  With barely a stump to recognize its memory. 

That's exactly what happened to me recently.  It was a big beautiful tree owned by the city, a tree with dead limbs that often dropped without warning onto the street and nearby yards.  So, after several inspections the city took it out. 

It took the wind out of me, particularly the next morning when I saw it in the light of day.  It created a huge open space that completely changed the complexion of my landscape as well as my view.   After mourning the loss, it got me thinking about how healthly the open space is now, no longer full of
impending decay and potential catastrophe.  So, I released the dear, old tree and started thinking about what kind of new seedling I can plant in its stead. 

It also got me thinking about applying the same thought to the last year.  The phrase that keeps coming to mind is "catch and release."  It sparked memories of fishing with my dad as a kid when we would spend hours in the early morning quiet, on a calm lake, fishing for trout and Northern pike.  More times than not, we caught the unsuspecting fish, gently removed the hook and then released it back into the water where it swam anew.   It's a great metaphor and exercise for reflecting on 2010, capturing the events, both the good as well as the challenging, and then releasing them, thus creating lots a open space for creation, new adventures and abundance in 2011.

Author and businessman Alan Cohen said, "It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."  

It's a great way to complete the year.  Take a few moments to catch and release 2010.

• Take stock of your environment and make note of what's working and what is not.  You don't need to focus on the bad stuff, but it's healthy to acknowledge what you've come through.  This has been a difficult year for many so take time to celebrate and honor your challenges and the fact that you've conquered some of them!  Acknowledge them and then release!
• Go through your calendar and make note of all of your accomplishments. Los Angeles Life Coach Andrea Quinn calls this the most profound way to create a powerful launching pad to begin the next year.  When you make a complete list of everything you've done in a year's time, it's pretty rewarding.  Remember the little things too.
• Examine your relationships. Where do you stand with your old relationships as well as any new connections you made this year?  When you explore how you're connecting with others, your year takes on a richer tone.  Capture and recollect momentous relationship moments from the year.  What have your learned?  What can you release and what can you carry forward?
• Where have you given?  Take some time to honor your own generosity, and personal philanthropy. They don't have to be major donations of time and money; the small gestures and moments of giving are just as important.

Once you're done with your 2010 "Catch and Release", you will also see, as I did in bidding adieu to my oak tree, how it will shake up your own landscape and allow it to change and renew your view for 2011.

Now go bravely forward, with a clear mind and wide open path before you.  You never know what magic lies ahead!

Happy New Year!

The Impact of Being a Precedent-Setter

"You've been given a great gift, George. The chance to see what the world would be like without you." ~ Clarence in "It's a Wonderful Life"

What a great line from an iconic movie.  I saw the Frank Capra film on the big screen for the first time this year at the Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood.  It was such a treat seeing it as a feature film with 300 other rapt moviegoers, popcorn and all.  The comment we made as we left the historic theatre was "they don't make movies like that anymore." 

Then, last night a friend took me to see "West Side Story" at the Pantages Theatre.  It's truly the perfect evening of musical theatre, the brilliant re-telling of Romeo & Juliet set to music by Leonard Bernstein and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim. 

After seeing both of these treasures that have stood the test of time and whose stories still hold up today, it got me thinking about how when they were both made they were original and fresh, truly the exemplars in their arenas, setting a new ideal.  Even though "West Side Story" was an update on Shakespeare's tale, the way it was told made WWS, itself, precedent-setting.  It was done so well that any attempt to re-tell or update its tragic love story would be futile.  The theme behind "It's a Wonderful LIfe" set a precedent that many storytellers have tried to emulate, but none so well as in the black & white original.

It got me thinking about how, in this copycat information-junky society, it's important to remind ourselves that we all are true originals, to set precedents of our own, to be remembered for being unique and for contributing value to the world and to the lives of others, to build a legacy that is ours and ours alone.

• Be yourself, instead of trying to be something or someone else.  Imagine how much more work it takes to keep up the appearances of being someone else inauthentically, rather than in being yourself authentically.
• Chart a fresh course.  Expand your mind and your ideas by trying new things and learning new subjects. Take a class, read an author you're unfamiliar with, skydive, belly dance, snowboard, climb a mountain, camp by the ocean, walk a country mile, buy an espresso machine, learn an obscure foreign language, meditate, sing in public, tour a museum, eat something you've never eaten before, do whatever "charting a fresh course" means to you.
• Make note of original ideas.  By keeping a regular journal or notebook you can keep track of small seeds that are divinely or organically planted in your mind.  Then, go back and expound on them. 
• Pay attention to sparks.  My best ideas have come from paying attention to odd images, interesting words or phrases I read or hear, or a question or need I need answered.  I grab the spark, storing it to chew on later.  Think about Post Its, or paper clips, or Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, or "Gone with the Wind."  The spark for the idea came from a need, a twinkling of a thought or a slice-of-life experience.  Pay attention to the sparks.

Establish your own standard to be followed by yourself and others.  Examine the areas of your life and career where you are the example, where others follow your lead.  Where do you set a precedent?  No matter how small it may seem, notice where you are original and unique.  Take some time this weekend before the new year begins and honor your originality.  Many times out of those moments of self-reflection and reverence come more sparks.

Pay attention to the sparks!

 

Do Rules Keep You Back or Move Your Forward?

“Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs. This state of mind is not common, but it is essential for right thinking.” ~ Leo Tolstoy  

Today I saw the riveting film, “THE LAST STATION” chronicling the final chapter of Leo Tolstoy’s storied life.  Simply put, what I find so fascinating about Count Tolstoy is that he lived his life by a very strict set of rules, yet later in his life he was considered a prophet by those who considered themselves freethinkers.  As a celebrated novelist and essayist known for his theories on pacifism, he eventually walked away from his previous set of rules and developed a devout group of followers of his theories on freethinking, thus creating a whole new set of rules.   

It got me thinking about rules.  Do they help us or hinder us from expanding and being our best selves?   It depends on how you define rules.  I think of rules as being confining.  However, I do live my life by a set of core values and philosophies.  And, I run by business  with a plan, a blueprint and a set of guidelines.  Guidelines are more fluid than rules and leave space for creativity and movement.  Guidelines give direction and focus; rules are narrow-minded and militant.   

So, what to do?  

• Throw out your rule book and replace it with a list of values.  
• Make some of your own guidelines.  Give yourself permission to color outside the lines.   
• Create a checklist by which to guide decisions – it keeps you focused on what’s important to you: 

1. WHAT is the specific action?
   
2. WHO is it for, WHO will be impacted, and WHO can help me?
   
3. WHEN and how long is the time frame or WHEN is the deadline?
4. WHERE does this fit into my short and long-range career goals?
   
5. WHY do I want to do this?
   
6. HOW will this raise the value of my brand?
   
7. IF I do or don’t move forward with this action what are the risks involved?  

Trust in your own mind and in your ability to set your own rules, guidelines and values.  It’s up to you to set them in motion.

For the Love of Words - How to Use Yours Effectively

“Words, words, words; I’m so sick of words,” were the lyrics sung by Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady, which I watched on AMC not too long ago.  Her disdain was in sharp contrast with Professor Higgins’ obsessive love of words.  This got me thinking about my lifelong love affair with words and the responsibility that comes along with that.   

I recently saw motivational speaker and author Les Brown address a group of businesswomen.  Les skillfully speaks in quotable sound bites and uses words better than many for inspiring people to take action in their own lives.  What he had to say about using your words effectively was this, “Never let what you want to say get in the way of what they need to hear.”   

Bravo.  

A recent discussion thread on one of the Linkedin groups stemmed from the question, “What 3 words best describe you?”  The answers were many and ran the gamut from serious to professional to comical to advertorial to informative.  Actually they were all informative to a point, giving a small glimpse into the character of the person posting the words.  In this arena, words can label.  

It also got me thinking about the infinite and palpable power of words and how as human beings – the only animal given the gift of spoken and written language – we have an inordinate responsibility to use our words to their greatest effect.  Words can maim someone’s spirit, inspire people into action, teach a life lesson, increase the value of a person, place or thing, encourage, discourage, make people laugh, cry or pause, fire people, hire people or make someone’s day.   

If that’s not responsibility I don’t know what is.   This is why I’m in the midst of a lifelong love affair with words.   

Here’s how you can use your words more effectively:  

• Think before you speak – take a pause and realize the effect your words may have
• Be impeccable with your word – the first of the “The Four Agreements” written by Don Miguel Ruiz who said, “Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Use the power of your word to the direction of truth…”
• Don’t project your issues on others – own your own crap by not using hurtful words to make your problems someone else’s
• Ask questions – show an interest by being honestly inquisitive in people and situations
• Remember and use people’s names – it’s a simple recognition that raises the level of connection between you and others
• Communicate, don’t alienate – kind directness gets much greater result than spite

 A recent CBS piece on Winston Churchill really brought this home for me.  His passion for words is exquisitely recorded in the 44 books he wrote, which include his many eloquent speeches.  He wasn’t only a thought leader but a thought changer with his words.  The fact that his 1953 Nobel Prize was for literature merely solidifies his standing as, arguably, one of the greatest wordsmiths of all time.   

Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” 

Go Winston.  Words to live by.